Gambler's partner or family

The gambler's partner, or family, has a more difficult situation than the gambler in many ways.

There will commonly be several situations and emotional feelings which the partner/spouse may feel they have to contend with:

• The partner has been lied to often and over a prolonged period. Gamblers often lie about losses and activity.
• Mutual trust has been lost.
• The partner often feels that they will have to accept the results of the gambling, without any responsibility for it.
• The partner has no control or knowledge of past, current, or possible future gambling.
• There is a feeling of helplessness. The partner may feel they cannot alter the situation, although it affects them.
• There is a feeling of guilt. The partner may consider that they are partiality responsible for the issue.
• There are commonly reasons why separating from the gambler would not be emotionally or economically practical.
• The partner might have encouraged the fun part of gambling in the past - e.g. "let's have a bet on the Grand National", "let's go to the Casino for a night out". There might be a sense that they colluded with the issues. 

Commonly they will have been lied to, repeatedly, by a person who they used to consider as trustworthy. Often there will be complicating relationship or family situations.

The gambler has, practically, control of their gambling; even though they may not effectively using it. The gambler is the person pushing the buttons, placing or accepting the bets.  The partner has no control of the gambling, even though it may directly and indirectly affect them in massive ways.

The partner commonly feels and knows that they can do little to stop the gambling, or even to know if it is going on.

Partners, especially a couples partner or spouse, commonly feel that they have been placed second in importance to the gambling habit; they also feel that there is no method that they can compete with the attraction of gambling. In many ways the partner may feel, correctly, that they are effectively competing with a cheating rival to their partner, without any effective way of competing.

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