Gambler's partner

The gambler's partner, or family, has a more difficult situation than the gambler in many ways.

There will commonly be convoluted situations and emotional feelings which the partner/spouse has to contend with:

• Gamblers often lie about losses and activity.
• The partner has been lied to often and over a prolonged period.
  
• Trust from the gambler has been lost, even though the partner knows they have been trustworthy.
• The partner often feels that they have to accept the results of the gambling, without any responsibility for it.
• The partner has no control or knowledge of past, current, or possible future gambling.
• There is a feeling of helplessness. The partner may feel they cannot alter the situation, although it affects them.
• There is a feeling of guilt. The partner may consider that they are partiality responsible for the gambling issue.
• There are commonly reasons why separating from the gambler would not be emotionally or economically practical.
• The partner may feel that they are 'in competition' with the gambling, almost as a 'cheating rival'.
• The partner might have encouraged the fun part of gambling in the past - e.g. "let's have a bet on the Grand National", "let's go to the Casino for a night out". There may be a guilt feeling that they colluded with the issues. 

Commonly they will have been lied to, repeatedly, by a gambler who they used to trust. Often there will be complicated relationship or family situations.

The gambler has control of their gambling; even though they may not effectively be using it. The partner knows the gambling could stop whenever the gambler considers the partner to be more important than the gambling. The partner has no control of the gambling, even though it may directly and indirectly affect them in important ways.

Partners, especially a couples partner or spouse, commonly feel that they have been placed second in importance to the gambling habit; they also feel that they cannot compete with the attraction of gambling. In many ways the partner may feel, correctly, that they are effectively competing with a cheating rival to their partner, without any effective way of changing the situation.

Counselling helps the partner to understand the reality of the gambling situation, with the possibility of how it might be if things change to a mutually non-gambling lifestyle. 

For a prompt  appointment call or text: 07757 233386. I may be with a client, or otherwise occupied, in which case please leave a message with your contact number. I will respond promptly. Or email: info@counsellingworld.co.uk Or use the contact page to send me a message.